​TO THROW IT AWAY OR NOT

I woke up early today especially because of the alarm I had set on my phone. I quickly freshened up and put on a cotton-white dress that ended halfway beneath my knees.

I loosely tied my hair in a pony. After reluctantly staring at the ring for a long time, I decided to wear it on the index finger of my left hand.

I still have around 15 minutes before the clock ticks on 8

Thus I pick up my phone and call my mother. I decided not to tell her anything about yesterday.

 We talked for a while. She said how much do they miss me. She also mentioned they are flying back home tomorrow. They said they are happy with the family I am to marry soon in and asked me how am I doing and if I am being obedient or not.

I did not lie. I said I was trying and how different they are from us. She corrected me and asked me to never use 'us' again for describing us. That is when I realized they disowned me without actually disowning me. They love me I know but how could she so easily push me away from them?

I quickly walked down the stairs. When I reached the room, Vladimir was on his phone. His Grandma was talking to Mr. Leonid. Pearl was just sitting on her chair and Mrs. Leonid was serving the baked breads.

"Good morning"

I say in a low voice.

I was only surrounded by two people all my life. It is hard for me to be myself when the family is literally so big. Thinking of this, I just remembered I have not yet actually talked to them properly or got to know them which is the sole reason for this ritual of staying here with them.

"Good Morning, dear"

Grandma replied. I had talked to her for quite a long time yesterday afternoon when all of them were gone. She is a fun old lady and a bit too sweet.

"3 minutes after 8"

Mrs. Leonid said looking at her wristwatch.

This was the first time Vladimir looked up since I entered the room. As always, he imparted no emotion. I still can't believe I am to marry him and live my whole life with a man who is not ready to love me.

Well, I am okay with that though. I have no intention of falling in love again.

"What are you waiting for? Come sit"

Mrs. Leonid said pointing at the empty seat that lays between Pearl's and her grandmother's.

I walk over to the chair and sit down quietly.

"Did I not instruct you to come to the room before time?"

She asked handing over a glass of water.

"I don't remember you did"

I say in a low voice. She did not say that for once. I thought I had to enter the room straight at 8. What is this, a boarding school?

"Very well... You should skip breakfast for today then"

She finally sits and I look at her with a frown.

I felt Pearl's hand reaching out to mine under the table. She wants me to not argue anymore but...

"That is too cruel, Rachel"

Her grandmother said disapprovingly.

Mrs. Leonid turns her head from one side to the other. This was it. She won't reply. I feel so humiliated. This is so disrespectful. I want to call Dad right away and ask him to take me away.

My eyes automatically move over to Vladimir's direction who is busy scrolling his phone and having tea. I am marrying him. He should be the one to speak up for me but here he is not bothered by any of it.

I look back at the glass of water. The room automatically filled with the sound of plates and dishes and spoons and forks.

"If you want you can go to the garden for some fresh morning air"

Mrs. Leonid said cutting her share of the cake.

I get up from my seat. I am so embarrassed right now that I could run away if I am given a chance to.

"wait"

Vladimir put down his cup on the plate with an audible noise. I look at him, surprised. All the eyes of the room are now fixed on him.

"I have something to discuss or rather announce"

He said pointing at the chair. I took the hint and sat down.

"What is it?"

Mr Leaonid said wiping his mouth with the handkerchief kept on the table.

"I have a business deal to look after and I want you to join me. It will take hardly three days"

He said completely ignoring his uncle's question, looking at me.

"What is the need? I don't think you should take Czarina. She is new to all this"

Mrs. Leonid protested in a calm tone.

"Please do not interfere in my affairs"

He said with a stern tone looking back at her.

"Other than that I believe she is new to all these baseless norms of your family and not to the business world"

He said standing up and cupping his hands in his pockets.

"The flight is tonight. Get it done with your packing. I am quite a monster about time management"

With that, he left the room.

"Will you help me with the packing granny?"

I said holding her hand gently she nodded with a big toothless smile.

"disgusting..."

Mrs. Leonid mumbled on her way out of the room.

________♡________

"He might be a bit reserved and strict at some points but there was a time when he was a sweet little boy"

Grandma said sitting on the couch after we are done with most of the packing. I wanted her to tell me which of the dresses should I take. It's not like I am going to accompany my father to his business deals anymore.

I wanted someone to guide me without making me feel dumb and I figured she will the best one out there.

"Then what happened?"

I say trying to make her keep speaking. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. I have always been good with old people even though I have never had the fortune of meeting my own grandparents. Both of them had passed away before I could meet them in person.

"Then the unfortunate happened, child. My daughter and my son-in-law passed away in a shipwreck"

I gasp losing my grip on the dress I was arranging.

I knew he had no parents to look after him as a child but this was brutal to be experienced by a child.

"What can I say when my own family is at fault? All I ask from you is to never judge him for who he is now or what he decides to show you he is"

She sighs before getting up on her feet.

"I should get some sleep now. My back aches from sitting for so long. Enjoy your trip"

With that, she leaves the room. I look out of the window. The sun is about to set down on the horizon. There are a few birds flying in the distance maybe they are going back home. I miss my home too.

But that is not my home anymore.

No matter how much I deny I know deep within that I starve for a person to call home, a house to set my worries off, a shoulder to cry on, a hug to rely on and I know this as well that this person cannot be Vladimir, the man I am supposed to marry. He won't spare me a second glance or feel a beat on my behalf. He won't love me for who I am. He won't be the man I am to look up to. He will be the man whom I will address as my husband but he won't be the man I can hold on to as a soulmate.

________♡________

"Too proud to ask for help?"

He says lighting his cigarette, leaning on his car.

"Can't you be a gentleman and offer me the help you are so eager to be asked for?"

I say putting down the heavy suitcase halfway on the staircase. I hold my waist and suck in some oxygen.

He came inside the house with a smirk throwing away his cigarette and taking long steps. He stops a stair from where I stand.

He pulls up his sleeves showing off his dragon tattoo. The moment he got hold of the suitcase handle the veins on his hand rose up making my eyes glued on them.

"Let's get going then"

He grabbed my hand and made his way out of the house with the suitcase in the other hand. He is not wearing gloves today even when it is so cold outside. His warm touch always brings my soul to turn calm even when his presence does the complete opposite.

Once we were inside the car he left my hand.

"I was meaning to tell you this from yesterday but I kept forgetting"

He says starting the engine. I glanced out of the car. It is so weird none of them came out to say goodbye. This is a sort of family I have never seen before.

"The ring I gave you yesterday..."

He started. I had even forgotten to thank him for that. How clumsy have I become these days? unacceptable.

"If you somehow manage to make any friends there, this should be the ring I proposed you with"

I instantly look at him and his unbothered face.

"Remember, we are going to have a love marriage and not an arranged one. Don't even mention the exception of our marriage. That might affect my deal. Get it?"

He finally looked at me and I turned my gaze away.

"Of course. I don't know if they will believe me or not though. Falling in love with you is next to marrying a Demon"

I say and he gives out a laugh.

I don't know why but for the first time in a while I wanted to throw the ring away. A strange kind of anger took the place of surprise in my heart.