THE CHOICE IS ALL MINE YET IRONICALLY I AM NOT THE ONE TO CHOOSE

I walked downstairs after the clock rang thrice. It's almost 6:05 pm now. We normally talk and have tea together which is probably the most wholesome part of the day. Our family is tiny but the house is huge. It is so calm and quiet the whole day that this part of the day is a sweet relief.

I sat on my usual spot on the sofa. Dad is sipping tea with several pictures lying all over the table. Mom is serving fries and Stacy stands with the tray in her hand.

I know what he is doing so I cautiously don't make an effort to ask him anything about the pictures. After hesitating a bit Dad finally opens up.

"Take a look at the pictures, Rina. Tell me who would suit your taste"

He says with a soft smile plastered across his face.

I don't look at the pictures.

No one would ever suit me the way I'd want them to. No one ever did.

"The decision is all yours Dad. Anyone would be fine for me"

I say biting one of the freshly served fries. He hands me one of the pictures. I take it.

"Your mom picked him like she is the one marrying"

He says with a huge laugh and Mom playfully hits him in the arm. I laugh at the drama and then look at the man staring at me through the picture.

He wears a black sweater to cover up with a black blazer. His arms rest on his chest, crossing each other. His eyes look straight through the camera. His perfectly trimmed beard shows off his sharp jawline. He must be around 30 but he is attractive enough. I don't know for how long was I looking at the picture when I looked back at them.

They were reading me and my expression. I blushed and threw the picture on the table again.

"I told you right. Anyone would do..."

They burst into a hearty laughter and I know that they know I was stuck at his glorious black eyes. Black eyes are surprisingly so few here. They always manage to make someone get engrossed in their mysterious emptiness. Like the black holes that pull you inside.

We don't talk about this anymore. We talk about everything leaving my love life and my sudden decision to get married. They are so understanding that I have to never explain anything.

At the end of our dinner later Mom asked pretty nervously, "So, what about the date of the wedding? Keep it the same date in December or not?"

Dad interrupts, "We could talk about that later Monica"

"As soon as possible"

I say blankly sipping from the glass.

They look at each other. They don't know what is eating me from within. Even I don't know the exact answer to that. I want to escape this life that is so messed up. I want to go somewhere new where I can get engaged in new relationships again. Where I will be new and will struggle to understand shit. Only this way will I forget about him or so I hope.

I want to bury him deep inside my heart where no one peeks, no one looks. Not even me.

________♡________

A month passed by like a storm. Maxim came home and said how much he felt bad for calling off the marriage.

Mom and Dad did not behave rudely for they are elders. They don't want to interfere in our lives. I saw a glitter of tear in the corner of Mom's eye though. She was serious about this marriage, maybe even more than me.

He offered to talk to me in private. I did not allow him to. He left soon after.

He won't come back. He left me that day when his heart was filled with the colors of some other woman. Love is so confusing, Isn't it? Once it kills you for someone and then it makes your heart beat for another.

They say, if it's not forever, it's not Love. They say it right. I wish they do.

Dad went to Moscow for a business meeting shortly after this but the main motive was to talk to Mr. Vladimir about me. He is a businessman and that's all I know about him.

He is that man, Dad showed me the picture of. Dad called from there how much of a success the meeting was. He is too kind, I wonder why did Vladimir accepted a proposal without even meeting me personally. It has to do something with the business, I calculated.

But well it's none of my business. I can finally fly off from here. I can never forget the heartbreaks I had here. I was almost astonished when Dad said he would be coming back home at the end of this month with Mr. Vladimir.

It's one of our family rituals that before marriage the groom has to stay one night in our house. It is a good omen they say. If everything goes smoothly, the marriage date will be fixed after one month.

Apparently, we are currently standing at the front door of our house waiting for them to arrive. I had always imagined this day but I never thought of imagining anyone else in place of Maxim. This is tough.

I am wearing a white midi dress that hangs off the shoulder with crystal straps. The heels give me a proper height. I could not get time to do anything with my hair so I just combed it and let it stay free covering my shoulders.

Two black cars stop in front of the gate. One of them is ours the other is an unfamiliar one. They are here.

Dad gets down from his car and stands in front of our lawn. The door of the other car opens. A tall, well-built figure comes out examining the area. The picture does so much of an injustice to his looks. He looks so much better. I wonder how deep his voice might be.

His eyes darted toward mine. I felt my cheeks fire up but I did not flicker in my gaze. Dad escorted him towards the house. It's so disturbing that his eyes didn't leave my sight even when Mom was the one to have the introduction session with him.

"It's a pleasure to have you here"

She finishes.

"The pleasure is all mine"

I finally felt his gaze wander off to Mom.

I walked away from the door so that they could enter the house. I go inside the other living room, the smaller one. My stomach is heating up out of nowhere, I don't know why. It's just he is so effortlessly hot.

I can hear them talk from here. I finally get the courage to go back inside. I stand behind Dad's sofa awkwardly. Why am I even here? I should have just never decided to come here in the first place.

After they had tea and talked about business Vladimir asked Dad if he could talk to me privately before they decide anything.

Wait. Don't tell me he was already married and had a kid.

I hesitantly take him to one of the empty rooms. He stands there in the room looking at the paintings.

"So?"

I give him a verbal push to get over with this.

"Why do you want to get married in such haste?"

He leans on the wall, his arms crossed.

"That is something entirely personal"

I say in a low voice. I never asked why he agreed to marry me this early, either. How dare he question my decision?

He keeps stepping forward until my back touches the wall behind me. He puts his hand on the wall behind me and whispers, "Don't expect me to love you. If you want to marry me, don't expect to have the happily ever after crap. If I had wasted my time on this, I wouldn't be in the position I am today in. Decide wisely, sugar. You don't look dumb"

His black eyes don't give off mystery anymore. In fact, his eyes are empty. They glow in their own way but they have nothing to hide or nothing to lose. He does not move for a while. I keep gazing into his eyes trying to get as much information as possible.

He slowly walks away while I manage to say, "Don't expect me to drool all over you as well. I have no interest or intention of that. Marrying someone is all I need to get away from this mess. You are just one of the many options"

He turns around to hold my wrist and pulls me to his rigid chest. His eyes intensely glare at me.

"Vladimir Abramovich Rotenberg is never an option. I am always the one."

I don't blink. I don't speak.

"Look at you shaking from top to bottom in my grip. Think before you speak..," he moved his head closer to my ear, "Czarina"

He left keeping the door open, leaving me in shock. I stand there all alone reliving what happened just now.

I walked up the stairs and closed the door behind me. My heart is still beating so fast. His touch is like fire. Either it will light up my life or burn me alive. It is a dangerous game I enrolled in.

I will keep the decision to him. If he rejects the proposal, it's over and if he doesn't it will go on. I am not backing away, it's too late now.